In the past 50 years, there have been fewer and fewer ways to discipline children with spanking. But yelling? Almost everyone will be embarrassed by the children from time to time, even those who know that it is useless. Howling is probably the least sensible behavior of today's parents.
In people who often yell and yell, children’s self-esteem is often weaker and the proportion of depression is higher. A study published in the Journal of Child Development in 2014 showed that yelling at children can have consequences similar to corporal punishment: increased anxiety, stress and depression, and behavioral problems increase.
In your experience of being a parent, how many times have you thought about "I am doing this right?"
You don't help you establish authority. This will only make the child feel that you are out of control. Makes you look weak and incompetent. To be honest, the reason why you yell and yell is because you are not jealous. It’s more than a spanking, it’s a reaction that parents don’t know what to do.
But most parents, including myself, find it hard to spend a day without having to worry. The latest research on shouting asks parents two questions: What should I do? How can I get rid of this habit?
What we are discussing here is not that you shout out to remind your child to be careful about the car. What we are talking about is how to use barking as a way of correcting. As a tool, corrective yelling is ineffective, but it is a habit of a child's habit. Every day, we yell at our children for the same thing, and because we feel that there is no effect, we must be more and more fierce. Put the clothes on! Come down to eat! Don't ride on a dog! Don't beat your brother!
Alan Kazdin, a professor of psychology and children's psychiatry at Yale University, says it's useless to just know that yelling is not good. It is not a strategy to discipline children, but a means of venting yourself.
"If the purpose of the parents is to vent, I want to dissipate and show you how angry I am, well, yelling may be perfect," Kazdin said. "If the goal is to change some aspects of the child, or to develop a positive habit in the child, then yelling can't work." There are other strategies that don't require you to scream like a madman.
Many people believe that positiveness is actually a form of laziness, just as positive parents do not care about children at all. But you don't need parents to have early planning and discipline, and you don't.
Kazdin is promoting a project called ABCs that represents preecedents, behaviors, and consequences. Pre-conditions are set in advance, specifically, before you want your child to do something. Behavior is the definition, shaping, and modeling of behavior by parents. The consequence is that when the behavior is implemented, it expresses praise, makes an exaggerated compliment, and is accompanied by a body movement that agrees.
Therefore, don't yell at him every night because the child throws shoes around, but ask him in the morning, can put the shoes when you can go home. Make sure you go home and put your shoes. If your child puts the shoes on, or even put them near the place where they are placed, tell him that it is so good, then hug him.
ABC Praise is a very specific technology. You have to be passionate, so you have to make a silly smile on your face and even raise your hand to wave. Next, you have to say something you like with a very happy and pleasant voice. The third step is to touch the child and give him some praise without language. This stupidity is its characteristic rather than a defect. It allows the child to notice the compliments that accompany the correct behavior. This is the point.
"We have to get into the habit," Kazdin said. "This practice actually changed the brain, in the process, the behavior you want to correct, all kinds of temper and struggle, all of which disappeared." In addition, he pointed out, "As a side effect, when you do these When things happen, parents’ depression and stress will actually drop and family relationships will improve.”
If the child performs better, then we will not yell. If we don't yell, the child will perform better.
The beauty of having such a system is that it doesn't react after the child has done something bad, not waiting for them to mess up things and then get angry. Instead, you have a clear plan. But planning requires self-discipline on the parent side, and it is difficult. "We know that humans have so-called negative prejudice," Kazdin said. “In psychological terms, this is called 'normal'. This is something in the brain that, through evolution, we are very sensitive to negative things in the environment.”
Shouting is our inherent instinct. This is an evolutionary survival instinct, depending on what it protects. It’s hard to give up when you yell, because it makes us think that this is what parents should do.
In the 1960s, 94% of parents used corporal punishment. A 2010 opinion poll showed that this figure fell to 22%. There may be many reasons for this, including the impact of some child development educators. But there must be a reason that if there is a more effective way to change the behavior of children, and there is no violent behavior, then the reason for the child will disappear. If it doesn't work, why bother spanking? The same applies to yelling: Why are you yelling? This is not for the sake of children.
Ultimately, discipline must be effective, and let the child do what you want in the day, not what you don't want. Praise is effective. The punishment is invalid.